no touching

Friends in bars, friends in close proximity to other people all over the world, I would like you to hear about something. It's called no touching. I understand that when you're out on a friday or saturday night, things can get a little crazy. Maybe there were a few drinks involved, maybe you're feeling a little bit more open and loose, but by all means, whoever you are, stop the touching! If you know the touch-ee, this behavior may or may not be acceptable. But generally, come on guys - keep the hands off. You can act interested without touching. You can even be sleazy without touching!

and my lord, please don't follow any of this advice!